Saturday, April 27, 2013 :: Some Thoughts…
Before we enter into the weekend, I would like to share a little of my thoughts here. What better way to talk about how I feel than in my personal space.
I believe most of you have read through my previous post on my experience in Japan. As this blog is part of my social media platform where most of the time the things that goes up here are polished and refined before this selective info of my life goes into your eyes for your reading pleasure, many do not see the full picture of what happens before or during the process.
Prior to the trip to Japan, I was struggling hard with balancing work and giving myself a break. When it comes to overseas trips or material buys, the burden of the debt never fail to flash across my mind successfully guilt tripping me if I chose the any other options other than putting the issue of debt first on my mind. Many times I was on the brink of breakdown because I never stop guilt tripping myself – imagine the voice inside me always telling me “don’t you feel guilty? why are you not putting all your resources in VGY instead? do you think you can really enjoy?” Even the tiniest spending spoke to me harshly “c’mon you don’t need this kinda pleasure, you just need to maintain guilty and stay responsible”.
I still remember when John asked me to take a vacation with him to Japan in 2013 after the Chinese New Year, I cried so many times and told him I don’t wish to spend my money on anything else unimportant and if I can quote myself “don’t make me feel guilty I won’t be happy for this trip”. I guess I drove him to desperation because he was already planning to propose in Japan but after witnessing how many times I broke down, he blurted out in exasperation “if you don’t wish to go Japan with me, how can I propose to you”. I told a couple of close friends about my dilemma and one told me to not let my debt weigh me down. She said I still have a life to carry on living for. And I thought what joy it is living if I never forgive myself enough to have treat myself well.
Over time approx 6-9 months before we finally booked the ticket to Japan, John often talked to me about how I should learn to identify what is important and not to be so hard up on myself. It took time to finally stop the inner voice in my head and I eventually learnt to not guilt trip myself for every little thing I do – to accept that I need to loosen up. Things improved drastically after I visited church with John on Sundays and felt strangely more relieved even though nothing much has changed in my life. Regrettably, up till now, I can’t deny I still hear this little voice telling me people are watching my every step and even if I don’t remind myself, other people will – “so why are you not feeling guilty?”
To the people out there who question and remind me about my debt, raise brows on how I spend my money and lead my life, do you think I do not know better than you on how I should lead my life?
2 weeks after I came back from Japan, I came to know of a group of people who talked negatively about both John and I. It came across as a shock because they are the people whom we brushed shoulders with and even congratulated us on our proposal. We are extremely thankful to the person who have told us about it because he/she came with a good intention - to let us know because he/she understands what was said is untrue and believed that we are mature enough to rectify the situation without it getting out of hand.
Admittedly, negative feedback can be tough to deal with. Especially when I do have a vulnerable state of mind that I have been fighting to heal for a prolonged period of time and it does not help that these negativity weakens my defense. As hard as it may sound, I try to understand what the person’s concerns are. Maybe it was something I said or do that made the person react this way. I found that it was easier to understand what made them say the things he/she said by puting myself in the person’s shoes. Perhaps when you leave that negative feedback anonymously, you do so without thinking and with not much malicious intent (I hope), but I do try to understand why you do so.
What people expect me to do is to react immediately but on the contrary, I take a calmer approach. It is natural for anyone to defend themselves immediately. However, by raising the defense bars on myself, it tells the world more about myself as a person than about the comment/feedback itself. I do get riled up when I see negative feedback by anonymous individuals, but I will sleep on it for a couple of days – by the time, my state of mind will be logical and I experience a more mature and deeper set of emotions.
Being the owner of an online business, I see any negative feedback about VGY clothes as positive because they tell me the opportunities for growth which I may be blinded towards. No matter how well I run a small business, there may be blind spots that I do not see because I am too involved in the picture. These negative feedback served as a different perspective which I can consider for improvement.
Just how good can it be if I only experience positive feedback and compliments most of the time and refuses to acknowledge the negative ones? Not that positive feedback isn’t good – it is because I find them extremely encouraging and inspiring and it puts a smile on my face. It is not hard to put a smile on my face if you know me personally.
I am looking forward to a splendid birthday celebration for a friend at a hotel later tonight and a liberating time in church tomorrow morning. And VGY manufactured designs for SS2013 will be pouring in steadily over these few months so keep a look out because they are extremely gorgeous pieces with my personal guarantee on great quality :) Also, I am tying up with a luxury skincare brand for some surprise this coming May/June. Cannot be more blessed to be selected to represent Singapore for this :*)
Good things happen because I believe in Him :*)
Lastly, Salon Vim 313 will be closed for a 10-days renovation in May and John is bringing me to Taiwan for their famous streets snacks to fatten me up!
Work hard and play harder because you deserve it! ;)
Be extremely happy this weekend, peeps!
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